


Oaksley Magical Pest Control and Extermination

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Gen, also why does dip always have to have a tree last name, im running out of ones to use, in which I make shameless references to stranger things, sometimes our fav dork demon tries a disguise a little more exciting, ‘dipper pretends to be human’ fics are my lifeblood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 21:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: “There was a monster in her house, eating all the sausages, killing every animal that came close, and she figured she was lucky that she was still alive. It had started as a tiny, slug-like thing, rooting through the trash, until Lulu had found it, and, acting in pure curiosity, took it in. She had no idea what it was.Usually, acting on pure curiosity was a bad idea.”In which Dipper uses his advantage over monsters- namely, that he scares them silly.





	Oaksley Magical Pest Control and Extermination

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is just a quick thing I whipped up because I honestly love the Transcendence AU so much.
> 
> Based off of this prompt: https://transcendence-au.tumblr.com/post/156163824053/okay-but-i-had-an-idea-imagine-dipper-opening-a

Lulu had a problem.

There was a monster in her house, eating all the sausages, killing every animal that came close, and she figured she was lucky that she was still alive. It had started as a tiny, slug-like thing, rooting through the trash, until Lulu had found it, and, acting in pure curiosity, took it in. She had no idea what it was.

Usually, acting on pure curiosity was a bad idea.

The thing grew bigger every day, but she thought it was kind of cute, so she kept it, fed it meatloaf and sausages, and hid it away from the sun.

Then one day, she woke to find the walls of the glass terrarium broken and the creature with her cat in its mouth.

She couldn’t capture it, and she saw it steal birds and squirrels from the trees, splattering the sidewalk with blood, tearing apart her fridge, and generally being monstrous.

She still couldn’t recognize the monster, so she couldn’t do anything in the way of magical extermination for fear of its reaction, so she found herself calling a number a friend had recommended to her.

“Hello, this is Oaksley Magical Pest Control and Extermination, I’m Tyrone Oaksley, how can I help you?”

“Um, I’ve been having some issues with-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I will not be dealing with anything that is not causing anyone bodily harm or destruction of property. If it’s pixies, just get some Pix-B-Gone and spray it on their nest and the outside perimeter-”

“It’s not pixies! I know how to deal with pixies. And it ripped up my fridge and ate my cat, so I think that’s destruction of property.”

“Oh, yeesh. Sorry. We just deal with a lot of pro-nats who want their supernatural roommates exterminated, or people who come to us for killing the nest of pixies peacefully living in their rooms, so I’ve really gotta give the speech beforehand. Anyway, you said it ate your cat. What exactly is it?”

“I… I don’t know! I don’t recognize it!”

“Where is it right now?” 

“Oh, it’s in the basement. It’s hunting for rats. It’s also getting animal blood spattered everywhere, so do you know how to clean blood off of stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I’ll come take a look at it. Is tomorrow at seven AM okay?”

“Oh, definitely. I’m at 7264 Old Elm Lane, in Piskington.”

“And your name?”

“Lucinda Manley. We’ll talk about payment when you come. Deal?”

“Deal.” Lulu heard, just barely, a faint echo.

On the other side of the phone, Tyrone Oaksley hung up. Honestly, this was fun, and it was kind of funny to see creatures cower from him in fear, and people asking for his secret to intimidating them so much. Because the creatures could see him. They couldn’t, but the creatures could. 

He walked to the staff room, shed his disguise, and blipped out of the building.


End file.
